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Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Were we meant to be alone?

We come alone, we leave alone yet why is it that we are told that our true place in life is within the warmth and security of love in relationships with others. I hear my well wishers tell me: "We were not meant to be alone?" Yet those that are alone, justify by explaining the difference between being alone and being lonely! So I think to myself, "Why is that we, as humans, don’t like being alone?" But I quickly realize the folly of my questions...its not that I mind being alone. In fact, I look forward to my alone time where I have the house to myself and I'm not taking care of or cleaning after the kids...But it's the being lonely part that sucks.

There are many different relationships that we are a part of. Some relationships are defined by blood and others that are formed by the union of two people.  The relationships defined by blood are those between a parent /child, brother/sister/ uncle/aunt etc. And the relationships that are defined by union of two people are one of  husband/wife and in-laws and step-families, cousins etc.  But then there are those relationships that are defined by neither blood nor union. These are relationships based in love, mutual respect and admiration. These relationships we call friendships.

It is this special relationship with that one special person that is so much more than friendship. It’s a relationship based on love. This is the one relationship that brings joy to our daily lives. To be able to share our thoughts, joys, troubles, frustrations, successes, dreams and desires with someone. To have someone who is there to hold us, to caress our hair, to kiss and comfort us, to acknowledge us…that is the beauty and purpose of being in a  relationship.  But our friendships provide this for us so then why is it so important to be in a relationship with the opposite sex (or the same sex)?

Researchers discovered that babies needed to be held. When babies were deprived of the human touch, the impact was a decrease in physical growth. Also, babies that were not held tended to be withdrawn, quiet and cranky.  So we know that we human beings need the human touch.  When we are deprived of the human touch, we shrivel and cease to grow.  So it must be that in addition to the emotional support, physical intimacy is key to a person's growth. So it comes down to sex....but not just sex. But importantly sex as an exchange of energy with the intention of giving more than we receive. Imagine how beautiful that would be if both partners in a relationship put the intention to give more than they received. This is called a "win-win" situation!

So a quote from one of my top 3 favorite books of all times: The Forty Rules of Love by Elif Shafak.  

"Loneliness and solitude are two different things. When you are lonely, it is easy to delude yourself into believing that you are on the right path. Solitude is better for us, as it means being alone without feeling lonely. But eventually it is best to find a person, the person who will be your mirror. Remember, only in another person's heart can you truly see yourself and the presence of God within you." (p. 72)

Just a few of my thoughts…care to share yours…J

Sending love and light your way....
From one sufi to another...



  1. I crave to be held in the arms of love & loved just for motives....

  2. So you finally did it! I just knew blogging was a way of expression for you and that your words would ease the pain of other hearts. It is your gift my friend. Don't have answers for you. I'm just another seeker in this journey we call life. May your words provide comfort, friendship and joy to other kindred spirits. Enjoy the journey!

  3. This entry is really ironic because it was just the other day that I was talking to a really close friend of mine about this.
    I was talking to her about being single, for me, but still feeling complete without being alone because the kind of love I got from God and my faith have been able to steer me/comfort me.
    I obviously explained that finding that human "soul mate" was vital for physical companionship and of course, a different yet similar kind of happiness, but the love between two human souls to me might just be of the same breed of love between God and a person, cause ultimately, it's all energies, right (because we all have little parts of God within us)?

  4. It is just energies....and I dare say, as Mansoor claimed, "I am God!" We don't just have little parts of God, but I believe that we are "chips of the old block." Thus, since we come from him, doesn't logic dictate that we are therefore, God?

    If i am upsetting or offending anyone's sensitivities, I do apologize, for that is not the intent here. I humbly ask that I be allowed to believe my beliefs without judgement and persecution as you are allowed your's.

    Love and Light,