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Tuesday, February 25, 2014

How much more God?


The steps leading up to the tomb at Delhi's Humayun's Tomb.

I've made it a point to not use my blog as a "venting session"  and have strived to be uplifting and positive. I have only blogged when I felt I had something positive to share. But the reality is that life is hard...it kicks our behinds. Life doesn't discriminate when it comes to kicking people's behinds. None of us are immune to it. That would explain why I have not been blogging much since I've had my behind handed to me over this past year. I'm done sugar coating it. I will try not to use my blog to complain about life. well not all the time, but perhaps occasionally I might. And today just happens to be one of those occasions. So here goes....

Life has been good but not without its challenges. So let me just make this clear... I am extremely grateful for the blessed and charmed life that I live. I truly am. But it's hard...so I ask God...how much more...how much longer...when does this change....Does it really need to be such a struggle?

It's tough being a single mom...happily divorced, single mom and mind you, I have plenty of support from my mom and family but it's still hard. I do feel bad complaining because I know one too many married mothers who might as well be single mothers since they're doing all the kid work themselves. I'm not trying to say that being a single mother is harder than being a married mom but somehow I can't help but feel that there must be some truth to that.  So yes, I am frustrated that it's been ten years and I am still doing this alone. But its not like I didn't have opportunities along the way but I decided, given my options, that I rather be alone and happy and have the autonomy to raise my kids as I deemed best instead of having to deal with uninvited feedback or instructions. I didn't want to choose a relationship because I felt lonely. That is so not the right reason. I believe that a relationship, a partnership should be one that brings both joy. Partners encourage, support and stand by each other. Partners want the best for each other. But I also am realizing that perhaps I'm being a bit idealistic in my expectations. Relationships are hard work or so I've been told. Well I do see that too. A partnership comes with a healthy dose of making sacrifices on both sides. A partner must be willing to put their needs on the back burner to bring joy to their partner. And I'm okay with all of that. But what I'm not okay with is when its only one person in the partnership making the sacrifices and giving while the other is just on the receiving end. Somehow, being single is more appealing that being in a unbalanced partnership. But I digress...

Ignorance is bliss...or is it?
Just the other day, a new friend told me a joke..it goes,
"Nice Face! Want a banana?"
I just thought that was hilarious. My kids didn't seem to get
the humor. Oh well!

Recently, a few of us girls got together for dinner. The conversation got deep as we shared our individual life stories including the triumphs and the struggles. We girls joked that some of us were in the regular course of life while a few of us were either in the Honors or Advanced Placement (AP) track in life. The Honors or AP track included a rough childhood whether we were dealing with sexual abuse, an alcoholic parent, domestic violence or poverty. But the course work continued as we became adults and had to deal with a bad marriage, a divorce, being single mothers, not being able to complete our education as our hearts desired. To top it off I realized that so many of us in general are dealing with either ourselves or a loved one's substance abuse issues, depression, learning disabilities or money struggles. Some of us chose to have an easy ride this time around while others decided to really pile up all the lessons needed to be learned in one lifetime.


This is me back in Bombay, India competing in a dandya raas competition. I think I was probably around 10 or 11 years old.

But a spiritual perspective would be that before we came into the human form, we sat or rather floated around with our spirit guides or angels or God and decided what lessons we would be working on in this lifetime. Why did I have to choose so many damn lessons in this lifetime? UGHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Love, Light and Blessings,
Anita


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